ARE YOU CERSEI LANNISTER?

Plz check all that apply.

• You are often totes busy plotting the death of most of your relatives

• You drink wine early and often, not unlike a suburban mom

• You think everyone around you is a total dipshit and the term “Resting Bitch Face” seems to have originated with you

• Your son is an utter, absolute, complete and total dick neck but you love him unconditionally. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY JK

• But your necklines are pretty -on point- girlfriend!

• You got that Kiera Knightley mouth with the tiny endearing tooth gap and also that thing where you stick out your bottom teeth when you talk and it’s ~sexy~

• Fancy Honey Waterfall Hair

• A braid game that would make all of Pinterest / Coachella (Pinchella) collapse in on itself

• You ride the No. 8 train – that’s the gross one guys – allllll the way to Funky Town with your TWIN BROTHER on the regular UGHHHHHHH...

Ahoy, spoilers ahead obvs.

Image via Geeked Out Nation

I promised myself that I would finish watching season 2 of House of Cards before I began to dive into the power bitch wonder that is Claire Underwood and her FASHIONS. And since I am married to Zac, who likes to serve up a TV show one episode every few nights as if he is handing out rations on the fucking Oregon trail, it took me a while to get there. But I got there this weekend. And I have some thoughts.

Wow wow wow wow. Where to begin here? The jackets? The sleeveless dresses? The thick-frame glasses? The hair that has caused me to rethink everything I know about what is actually sexy? JEN-NAY. This is a character who doesn’t even try to fuck with peplum, lace, or short skirts and still manages to look like more of a woman than any of us could ever hope to. She has turned femininity on its damn ear. ON ITS EAR GUYS.

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I caught The Place Beyond the Pines with some friends on one of our typical lazy Sunday afternoons a few months back. I didn’t expect much, really, but by the time the credits rolled I found myself clinging to the last shreds of the movie, reluctant to leave. I wanted to stay in the theater til the lights came up, soaking in the tragic music, the overhead shots of a bike weaving up a mountain road, and a movie that was like three complicated, swirling, mind-fucking films in one. And this is not to mention Romina and her outfits.

Let’s see here.. Starring opposite Baby Goose? Check. Dark hair that is like a cascading tapestry of sex? Check. A mysterious beauty mark near lip that speaks of a sun-dappled, well traveled life? Check, of course. And the ability to wear CLOGS (as summer footwear!!) with booty shorts, a cornflower blue halter top, and several choker necklaces while...

Have you guys watched The Bridge yet? If not, take a second and check out the show’s trailer along with the beautiful, haunting opening music. As I am apt to do, I just binge-watched the entire first season and am now even more totally amped on all things Swedish. I’m also starting to have some slight career regretsies as the female lead Saga Noren makes being a detective look painfully cool. Case in point: this bad bitch wears the same beige sweater, too-large olive wool coat, and LEATHER PANTS while solving murders for, like, weeks on end. She (literally!) never changes except to have casual sex with some bar guy or when she’s having a bullet wound dressed or whatever. Something tells me the show’s stylist was just like, “Well, she’s a badass detective in Sweden. Maybe let’s dress her in Acne leather jackets and well-fitting pants? Actually, NOPE.” And the effect is amazing.

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