Claire Underwood / House of Cards: BADDEST BITCH ALERT

Ahoy, spoilers ahead obvs.

Image via Geeked Out Nation

I promised myself that I would finish watching season 2 of House of Cards before I began to dive into the power bitch wonder that is Claire Underwood and her FASHIONS. And since I am married to Zac, who likes to serve up a TV show one episode every few nights as if he is handing out rations on the fucking Oregon trail, it took me a while to get there. But I got there this weekend. And I have some thoughts.

Wow wow wow wow. Where to begin here? The jackets? The sleeveless dresses? The thick-frame glasses? The hair that has caused me to rethink everything I know about what is actually sexy? JEN-NAY. This is a character who doesn’t even try to fuck with peplum, lace, or short skirts and still manages to look like more of a woman than any of us could ever hope to. She has turned femininity on its damn ear. ON ITS EAR GUYS.

Image via Worn Fashion Journal

And while she may not be a pillar of morality, the woman knows how to get shit done. My constant Carrie Bradshaw inner monologue can’t help but wonder if the clothing helps… because come on, have you ever worn a sleeveless fitted sheath, guns blazing, your feet clad in Louboutin boots, and not become the first lady of the US-of-fucking-A? Amber waves of FLAWLESS? That’s what I thought.

Image via Worn Fashion Journal

So a toast to you, Claire Underwood. I’m about to hop on a rowing machine and place an order for five new beige dresses, and parade around with my swole arms and pretend we’re the same, and try to forget the fact that if you were a real person and we met in real life I’d hide behind the couch or something because you are straight up terrifying and awe-inspiring. Bravo.